Sunday Morning

Hello Dear Readers,

It's Sunday morning, 8:55 am, and the Wombury is listening to U2's "Bad", typing this sentence, feeling the self-recrimination of the wicked and the weary.

Lately I've been dreaming about taking batting practice with splintered baseball bats and men with supernaturally large genitalia.

The Economist published an article about the current American Recession. according to the venerable british newspaper, the recession will be "shallow, but prolonged." The Wombury believes the American Recession is a metaphor for his personal failure as a writer and a lover, and the Economist is a magazine sent by John Micklethwaite, the editor, as a coded way of letting him know he'll being suffering a "shallow, but prolonged" case of missing That Girl He Used To Know and Still Loves.

The middle school principal labeled the play the Wombury is putting on with his students like this: "very subtle" and "not intuitive". Let the Womby break it down: "Boring" and "Confusing"

That Girl I Used to Know and Still Love called me Willy Loman in a recent email. She's right. But being a loser will be my meal ticket. If the wombury is not fucking up, he's not trying hard enough. That's why I was so unhappy with the Girl That Made Me Happy. The Wombury isn't happy when he's happy.

In six days the Wombury is flying to California to visit his friend Edgar. The Wombury's friendship with Edgar is problematic. Edgar is an alpha male, which the Wombury wants to be, but as per his contract regarding personal failure, he is legally forbidden from successfully sleeping with women. In fact, should the opportunity present itself, the wombury is contractually obligated to find a creative way to sabotage intercourse. Some methods of coitus interruptus have included, but are not limited to: telling a girl he's suicidal; telling a girl she's exceptionally stupid for thinking Britney Spears is a billionaire; and most recently, telling a girl she's a lesbian because her voice is too low. Edgar slept with that girl.

The Wombury has trouble with alpha males because when he was young, Johnny Hurley, this hardscrabble kid from the poor section of town, wanted to fight the 8 year-old Womby, but the Womby had no desire to fight back so he ran away, to the safety of his house, but when Ma Wombury discovered the reason for his terror, she demanded he take his chicken-shit ass outside and fight. Meanwhile Johnny Hurley was pounding on the front door and ringing the bell, and the Wombury stood in the foyer overwhelmed and terrified. Eventually Johnny Hurley left, and all that remainded in the house was the recognition that Ma Wombury had a huge pussy for a son. This is why his trip to California is problematic.


Today, the Wombury is prepared to cut a check for 2000 dollars to a 37 year-old polish lesbian as payment for services rendered. Those services? Editing the Wombury's documentary from this fall and winter. The money is roughly a third of her fee.

There is an online competition, being held by PBS, for something called Roadtrip Nation. They are selecting teams of 2 or 3 to travel to New Zealand for two weeks in August, to interview people from "another culture", and to document the trip with blogs, photos, and videos. The Wombury is certain he is right for this, and his team will include Praveen and Luis.

lately, the wombury has been listening to Motown. The Wombury is nostalgic for something that never was. The Wombury feels guilty that he doesn't see his family enough. The Wombury feels guilty that he has enough ambition to move away but not enough to commit to anything beyond this sentence. The Wombury is smart enough to see how mediocre he is, but stupid enough to not care. I hate the Wombury.


Right now, there is a independent boarding school called the Chinquapin School, located somewhere in the comparatively rural outskirts of Houston, that wants the Wombury to teach english and coach there next fall. The school is dedicated to serving low income students with high college potential. The students are 100 percent responsible for upkeep of the school. the The boys live on campus throughout the week. The staff lives full time. This is the kind of school the wombury would start. Furthermore, the wombury is so eviscerated by the loss of the Girl He Used to Know and Still Loves, that A) he is looking forward to the interview just so he can feel wanted, B) moving away seems the logical solution to put this ache behind him.

Too bad he told his principal he was returning next year.

Virgin and whores. how much of life is dedicated to the mystery of virgins and whores.

Until then,

The WOmbury